It doesn't matter if it's painting, drawing, composing, writing (blogs, lyrics, books) - even talking - when I start I often have no idea how it's going to end. I just start doing it. Not too much planning, just developing the idea along the way. The plan comes later and somehow the pieces seem to fit. I usually land on my feet with my creations, but lately I have began to worry about it. What if I won't? Maybe it's the risk that excites me and pushes me do something new and unforeseeable. I don't know for sure. All I know is that I have always been like this.
I had a recurring conversation with my wife about my so called creative hobbies. I told her that my constant failures in art make me so depressed. She asked: "Why do you want to be famous?" I said that I only want to be respected in things I value myself in me. Yes, I've blogged about this before - sorry about that. She said that not anyone can be that good in what he's doing; I should accept that. Well, I don't want to be anyone - admitting that would kill me.
Clearly my wife can't see my potential, or maybe she has seen enough evidence in our 14+ years together to make a statement like that. It's good to have someone to talk to anyway. Someone who has the balls (although in this case doesn't, LOL!) to tell me things like that straight in my face. I appreciate that anyway, and indeed it gives me power to try harder. Reverse psychology..?
Like this post, I didn't really know how this would end (I came up with the last sentence less than one hour ago basically while chatting with a mate. It seemed somehow fitting so I added it there). The conclusion might be that perhaps I really should plan what I do. Then it might be more acceptable by other people too. And boring to me. Well, that's something I'm not too willing to accept. I don't want to compromise anything in my art - or called it crap if you will. It's either my way or no way... d'oh!
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